stronger than yesterday~

hater make us strong.
that's the fact. sometimes, we don't know what we have done to somebody but they hate us a lot.
i've been hated for where i am belong. yeah it's happen.
because i am a Kelantanese. they said everything is bad at my place but i don't think their place is COOL enough to tell my place not good this n that = ="
because i am from kelantan, they insult me, they hate everything i like, they hurt me! but i don't fight back because i want to let them bark alone coz i think it's funny.

English class new crush

seriously i like a guy from my english class =)
he's white, cool, tall, father-like look, good body =)
he's from Malacca but i can't remember his name since today  is my second class with him =)
FUCK HE IS SO DAMN COOL!!!

WELL NEW YEAR NEW CRUSH!!!!

new year!

sad but true i never think about new year resolution :(

of course for some reasons. but i think i need  some lah.

hmmmm~~~ let see

maybe this year i want to change myself and being a better person.

- going to study hard and smart.

- try my best not to repeat my mistake

- try to be feminine

- trying to get a serious BF :P

 maybe that's all

but most important i will try to love what i did

counting the day

a few days left for me at home before i back to my college T_T

LOL! like i'm going to die :P

but after 3 months spent my holidays at home, it's kinda hard for me to go back there. what can i do~~

after what had happen, i have no idea at all what i'm going to do. because I NUMB THE PAIN TILL I AM MADE OF STONE! 

yeah, this song describe me for what i am now. now i :

~ not believing in anyone

~ don't know what to do

~ give up

~ numb

i think i continuing with my current courses which is nursing. i don't know why, i hate it but idk what to do!!!!

I DON'T WANT TO GO AGAINST THE FLOW ANYMORE!!!

andai kata~

if i fail again next year, i will go on and be a nurse. I GIVE UP!! i hopeless!
i won't believe in anyone else! i don't want to believe in anyone! i was given second chance to chase my old dream but after peoples not allowing me to continue with my passion, my mind is completely shut down about that dream. i don't want to be what i want to be before now! so i ignore the chance! because my parent only see my real passion after i fail. as long as i not fail, they will ask me to go on with what i am doing now.

slightly lost the meaning of happiness!

well here the story:

once upon a time, there's a girl, keep telling me to befriend with her friend (MR X). days go by, everything had happened until they're seriously fight! then i was removed by MR X. (well, nevermind that, i've got MR X bro aka my CRUSH xD). and they were not contacting with each other. me and her still connected with each other after that. then 1 day on MY BIRTHDAY, his bro message me, he told me that MR X no longer remember anything about his pass life. then his bro re-introduce me to MR X. then after that we have become best friend. better than the previous MR X. then until one day, that girl didn't like me and MR X become a friend again. she said she want to block MR X's FB. but i know she miss MR X but MR X don't remember anything about her. and one day, she get seriously mad at me. then i realised she blocked me. then i made a shout out in the FB about it, and surprisely MR X asked me what had happened.  then i told MR X what had happened but i'm not telling him that he is the MR X. what MR X told me that day is "if u felt guilty, just removed MR X lah and be friend with her back". then i was like " OMG! this guy! he had no idea what happened". if only he knows who is MR X! yeah until now i felt guilty for what happen. one day, to redeem my guilt. i will remove all people who involved in this story including MY CRUSH ;__ ; i think that's the best for me. i feels the day is getting closer

guess why i am telling u that i lost the meaning of happiness?

well....

[commercial break]

I

well, let see, i used to face this before.......hmm just skip to the conclusion lah.  people just don't like to see that i am happy. yeah many people don't like it. like  my sis n some of my friends. maybe they like to see me being emo like before? yeah maybe that is what ATIQAH is all about. 

but in the story i've told (above), most of my friends tell me that it's not my fault. maybe it is a lil bit. idk but better not involved in this anymore. so guilty! 

i believe that.... or i accept if....

this future career thing get harder on me.
1- i don't get any offer to any matriculation, universities for first intake but only get the interview offer for maktab.
2- the maktab's interviewed was failed.
3- i almost sent to private college
4- things get harder to my parents because of my bad luck
5- decided to continue my study as form 6 student, just to wait for second intake for matriculation and university
6- for 2nd intake result, i've got both matric and university but after what happen i decided to stay as form6 and ignore the matric offer.
7- university offer, i've got nursing (which i don't even like) but since my mum begging me to go then i have no choice.
8- in the university, this shit happen T^T (sorry can't tell)

this things so hard for me but I BELIEVE THAT:
 i don't have problem in my future-family life because i know Allah SWT maha adil.

but i will ACCEPT IF:
this is a punishment for my behaviour before.